


To Share my Final Breaths

by westiebrown



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Finds Out, Arthur Pendragon Is King, Guilty Arthur, Hurt Merlin, Hurt/Comfort, Magic Revealed, bad reaction, dying merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-05-29 22:47:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6397066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westiebrown/pseuds/westiebrown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prince Arthur finds out about Merlin's magic and banishes him. Merlin goes and lives with Kilgharrah. 5 years later a young boy comes to find King Arthur and pass him a message. Merlin is dying and wishes to see Arthur one last time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 5 years in the Past

Merlin watched his friends face, hoping neé praying, that he would rise up against the petty prejudice. But the astonished expression drawn across Arthur’s face soon morphed into something Merlin would describe as Kilgharrah-esque, and filled with rage. The warlock stumbled back in surprise, but quickly retreated until his back was against the wall, as if he could escape the horror of the situation unfolding before him. Merlin had trusted Arthur, he had been his best friend. Now the only feelings Arthur had for Merlin were murderous.

Arthur scoffed, the situation was ridiculous. His thoughts were running along the lines of, “What! Merlin is a...Merlin is a SORCEROR! But...But he’s saved my life. Well, if he isn’t just a manipulative little...girls petticoat!” Arthur sighed, the only outward sign of an emotion other than murderous rage. His mental debate had settled on one thing, he was, whether he liked it or not, in Merlin’s life debt, and therefore he couldn’t kill him. Because gods above, the only thing he had going for him right now was his honor, and he wouldn’t destroy that because of a conniving sorcerer.

Merlin settled on his heels, carefully watching Arthur’s face, which was still contorted in otherworldly rage. His eyes showed the slightest flicker of indecision. That was enough for Merlin, and he dropped to his knees,bared his throat and whispered, “I trust you. I am willing to accept my punishment.” The warlock gulped as he slowly reached out a hand and brought the point of Arthur’s sword to rest on his adam’s apple. He allowed his face one moment of fear before he schooled every one of his features into a mold of open trustworthiness. He closed his eyes.

Arthur stood shocked as his friend...the sorcerer had placed himself at Arthur’s mercy, even going as far as placing Arthur’s sword against his own throat. Arthur kept the blade there for a few seconds, then he quavered and dropped it. All the while the open look of acceptance remained on Merlin’s face. Arthur swallowed his rage and attempted to speak calmly and in a kingly manner, “Merlin, you have lied to me for years. YOU ARE A LIAR. But worse than that, you are a sorcerer. Believe me when I say this: If you had not saved my life, on whatever petty agenda you have, be it to kill me or enchant me so you could become king. You. Would. Be. Dead.” Arthur paused in his rant to peer at the warlock. His face remained the same but there were two tears streaking down his face. Arthur turned away in disgust, he was unsure whether it was directed at himself or the warlock. Arthur took one steadying breath and said, “Merlin, whatever I may have called you in the past, you are now my enemy. I will grant you this one token of good will, but if I ever see your face again.” Then Arthur brought his face closer to Merlin’s and whispered, “I will kill you.” 

Merlin shuddered as the last words came out of Arthur’s mouth, but true to himself he murmured, “I’m sorry it had to end this way, my king.” Then he stood, and rushed out of the room, barely holding back his tears until he made it to Gaius’ chambers. Glancing around Merlin took in the worn homey feeling of the room for the last time. He sent his magic in a brief whirlwind through the room with the words, “gadrian þearf.” It settled with a worn satchel filled with basic necessities. Without a second thought, Merlin vanished.


	2. Whirl Pool of Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur aftermath from years 3-5.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not unfortunately own any of the characters from BBC's Merlin
> 
> Not beta-ed 
> 
> I know this is really short, but I wrote as a kind of 'before' to the next chapter. Which I might actually have up this weekend! Thanks to everyone who is reading this it means a lot.

Arthur had tried to forget about the warlock who had helped shape him into the man he was, mostly because the memories hurt too much. He was now King, and had far too many responsibilities to mourn the loss of his one true friend. But often he found himself remembering their friendship, and its abrupt end.

Arthur still didn’t realize what he’d been thinking. Looking back on that terrible, awful, dreadful day when kind and sympathetic Merlin had trusted him above all else, he had dismissed it all as manipulation. Arthur knew now that Merlin had, had a determination to keep Arthur alive that went far beyond petty manipulation. But his mind kept coming back to a single point, Merlin had given Arthur his trust, and Arthur had shattered it with about as much finesse as a battering ram.

This endless spiral of guilt that Arthur was caught in the center of kept him distant, but his determination to make Merlin proud made him the best king Camelot had ever known. The barriers he had built around himself, prevented help from his all too willing friends. Gwen, Gaius and the knights had tried to distract him, had even gone as far as telling him that Merlin had sent a letter to Gaius. A letter that stated he was happily back in Ealdor helping his mom. But his first foray into Gaius’ chambers since the incident had proven the letter to be a farce. But he forgave them and like the king he was began to diplomatically accept their counsel, to avoid further mentions of the subject.

* * *

Slowly, ever so slowly Arthur grew back into his once close friends lives, the thought of Merlin truly fading to the background. He still of course drew on his memories to keep himself going and inspire others but he was merely a shadow now in the King’s consciousness.  
The kingdom of Camelot spread, bringing with it peace and prosperity to the land of Albion. Arthur achieving the love and loyalty of his people far beyond what his father could have even dreamt.

 

Standing by, guarding the kingdom against whatever hateful beings through its way was a young warlock, his eyes glowing a burnished gold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this doesn't suck. Please any comments and reviews are appreciated.


	3. Mortal Blow

Merlin looked down at his almost skeletal hands, while they had once been simply slim, the knuckles now protruded in an almost garish manner. Clutched in them was a single bronze scale, smoothed and losing its shine from almost a year of worrying at it. Kilgharrah was gone, with him gentle reminders for Merlin to take care of himself and gods damned riddles. The thought of him seemed to impress upon him the growing hole in his heart. It had first been put there 5 years ago by a certain supercilious prat, but had enlarged with each passing year, times he had saved his King, and when Kilgharrah died the whole had started to suck away his will to live.

But he kept on going, watching over Arthur and pretending Kilgharrah was with him in the tiny scale resting in his palm.

* * *

Two weeks ago a large band of sorcerers had been planning a raid on Camelot, Merlin half asleep had of course gone and chased them off. But, there was one influence that the whole in Merlin’s spirit had on his life. It led to a lack of self preservation. So, when he had woken up the next morning he dutifully checked himself over for injuries. Gaius’ teachings still humming through his head. His fingers were brushing up his abdomen prodding and pushing for bruises, when his side screamed out in pain. Slowly Merlin lifted his shirt, not wanting to aggravate the injury. Under his fingers lay a small scratch, not enough to merit any pain, really. The cause of the pain were the green tentacle like bulges spreading away from the wound, poison. Now that he was aware of the problem Merlin could feel his magic fighting a losing battle against the malignant substance inside of him.

A small part of Merlin withered, never had he imagined dying without seeing Arthur again.

* * * 

Merlin looked up from his hands, clutching the dragon scale with a fierce fondness. He had made his decision. Damn Fate! Whether or not the three headed goddess permitted it, he would see Arthur again. So, stumbling to his feet from the roots of a towering oak Merlin made his way to the nearest village. The progress of the poison was minimal, much thanks to his magic, but Merlin knew full well he wouldn’t last to see the next season. But it still hindered him, making what should have been half a day's journey into a dawn ‘til dusk endeavor.

Merlin arrived in the town of Penamois before the last fires had flickered out. He sought out the center of the town, his side aching with the pain of a day’s travel. He passed house after house, finally reaching the center where a rough hewn bench was placed as his savior. Merlin made towards it like a bloodhound on a scent, but his direct line was interrupted by a young boy. The young boy in question had wildly quif, kind blue eyes, and a prominent chin. Which he set proudly as he addressed Merlin, “Sir, me mam says that I should offer a bed to sleep in and attend to the medical needs of any travelers.”  
The speech was kind and well practiced, but Merlin really wished the young boy would finish so he could just accept the offer already.  
“So sir, would you be in need of my assistance on this fine evening?” the young boy finished. 

Merlin smiled, his enthusiasm was contagious, “I would be glad of your help young sir.” Merlin said in response, he had always been good with children, “why don’t you just tell me your name.”

The little boy grinned flouncing off with boyish energy calling over his shoulder, “I’m Rory.”

The night passed in a blur for Merlin. Rory and his mother fed him and gave him a bed to sleep on, he hadn’t been looked after in years. He, in return for their kindness left a small bag of rare fruits and herbs when he slipped out the next day.

Little did Merlin know that when he set out, the young boy named Rory followed him. Merlin tirelessly walked the worn paths through the woods, his weakening heart set on getting to Camelot. But that was not meant to be, Merlin’s steps began to falter and then he collapsed.

Rory was silently watching the mysterious man struggle onward when the man stumbled and collapsed. And without second thought he leapt forward and began checking the man over for injury, to the best of his ability. Fortunately the mysterious man woke up, Rory generally got much information from the patient when he helped his mom. But normally the patients were glad of help, and when the man woke he shot backward.

Merlin’s chest heaved, he had woken up to a small face peering over him. Instinctively he had pushed himself away against a tree, but the boy meant no harm. He instead reached out and said, “There is nothing you can do for me Rory.”  
Merlin knew nothing could disguise the never ending sadness in his tone, so when Rory spoke up it was expected,“There’s nothing I can do for you?”

He saw himself pre-Camelot in this boy, and decided to ask one thing of him. He said, “I need to get a message to Camelot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. I know its been awhile since the last update, blame my teachers. I've finally got the plot going now. YAY!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter. Though unlike in an Oreo its probably the worst part. And you get jipped its really short, SORRY

_“I need to get a message to Camelot”_

     Rory’s eyes widened when the man mentioned Camelot, to him it was a place of dreams. “Ummm, who do you need to get the message to?” he asked, already excited at the prospect of an adventure.

     The man said, “The King.”

     Rory had no idea who this man was, but apparently his dying wish was to get a message to the king. Who was Rory to deny that, so his next question came as a shock to himself, “What do you want to say?” The man breathed and didn’t respond immediately, Rory scuffed his feet on the ground and shifted back and forth.

     Then the man spoke, “Just say Merlin is dying. If he wants to come, bring him here. If not go home.” Merlin leaned back against the tree, pain lancing up his side making it difficult to concentrate. Rory the young boy was repeating the message to himself. Merlin hoped he left soon, he didn’t have much longer. But he mustered up enough strength to tell Rory, “Camelot is about a half a day that way” and waved his hand north.

     Rory bounced on his feet looking in the direction the man pointed and set off.


	5. Chapter 5

Rory squinted up at the darkening sky, the man had only said a half day's journey, but unfortunately both he and Rory had overlooked the fact that Rory’s legs were considerably shorter in a way even enthusiasm couldn’t make up for. But despite the considerably longer journey than expected the walls of Camelot were rising majestically while the sun set behind them. This filled Rory with determination as he yelped with excitement at the sight and skipped towards the towering gates. His enthusiasm fell short when two imposing nights adorned with blood red cloaks approached him, he could hear snatches of their conversation as the approached.  
“Gwaine…”  
“No Lance I got… always liked me better.”  
Rory took a step back when they approached him, they held themselves with a regal sense of purpose that he decided he would try to emulate. His mind struck off the tangent so he didn’t realize one of the knights was kneeling in front of him. “Hey kid, watchya doing here?” One of the knights said a cheeky grin sliding onto his face.  
The knight’s disarming manner comforted Rory so he muttered in a quiet voice, “I...m-message...king.”  
The other knight took a step forward and bent down to Rory’s level, “A message? What are the contents of this message?” with the last bit his eyes narrowed slightly with suspicion  
Rory squinted at him wondering how he of all people could pose a threat. But he was gaining confidence after not being skewered, “just a sentence a man told me to tell the king.”  
The less intimidating knight with long sweeping hair opened his mouth to say something, but the other knight butted in, “mind telling us the sentence?”  
Rory quirked his eyebrows, wondering why they had so much paranoia, “erm, he just said to say Merlin is dying.”  
Both knights took a step back and looked at him like they had seen a ghost and one of them said, “okay kid we’ll take you to the king.”

* * *

Arthur peered out his window watching the sun set over the turrets of his castle, and couldn’t help but have his mind go to dark places. The upcoming war with Morgana made everything he saw seem like a bad omen. Shaking the darker thoughts out of his head he collapsed into his chair and warmed his toes in front of the fire while savoured the last figs of the season.  
He slowly drifted off in full clothes and was suddenly startled awake by a brisk knock on his door. It took Arthur a few seconds to ensure he was clothed and his chambers weren’t a mess, then he was at the door looking attempting to portray kingliness. In front of him stood a frazzled Gwaine and Lancelot, and behind them...was a boy? Gwaine took a step forward, “Arth. Your Majesty this boy has news that may be of interest to you.”  
Arthur glanced at Lancelot for confirmation and all he got in return was a subdued head nod. So, Arthur beckoned them into his chamber and fixed his sights on the young boy and said in his kindest voice, “your message?”  
The young boy looked to Gwaine for reassurance and then spoke steadily, “A man asked me to bring you this message: Merlin is dying - and then he said if you want to see him I can bring you.”  
Arthur’s eyes widened as he reached for the table to brace himself, Merlin was reaching out and since he was a selfless bastard it was probably bad. He found himself leaning down to the child’s level and asked “where is he?”  
The boy looked up, “a half a day's walk, but I am shorter so it took me longer, but I mean for you.”  
Arthur looked over at Lancelot and Gwaine, “We will ride at dawn, Lancelot will you go tell Gaius and Gwaine get Leon and Percival to ride with us.” After issuing his orders Arthur returned to his chair and stared into the now grey and empty hearth.  
Lancelot took the boy’s shoulders and him and Gwaine exited the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geez it's been awhile... I just returned from tenting in the wilderness for 3 weeks-I am absorbing as much internet as possible! I hope this is a good chapter, sorry that its kind of a filler. But please like and comment if you enjoyed, and THANKS for reading it means so much. 1500+ Hits ahhhhh!


	6. An End to Start Something Great

Arthur shuddered awake at the first glimmer of dawn on the high white citadel walls.  The hearth in front of him only filled with ash only spurred him out of his chair and to the window, his mind briefly blank on the events of yesterday. But upon the sight of Gwaine hurriedly throwing gear and a child onto a horse and Gaius plodding across the courtyard with an attending Gwen behind, and at him spotting his own horse the events of the night before hit him in a rush.  The next few moments consisted of Arthur chasing around his room gathering all his things and armor, and shoving it all into a satchel with a massive clang. This noise blocked out an impatient knock and Lance burst into the room, his face carved with concern over the noise, “what was that!?” and then upon seeing Arthur's satchel with its slowly separating seams simply said, “Gwaine is getting impatient.”  
Arthur simply snorted at this before seizing his bag and pushing past Lancelot into the hall. Making it down to the courtyard in record time. Gaius was just pushing himself up onto the horse a stores worth of herbs and antidotes hanging off of its haunches. Gwaine’s horse was doing laps around Gaius its rider impatiently directing it.  Arthur bit his lip and mounted his horse, realizing he may be about to see his best friend that he threatened to kill just 5 years prior. They set off, their pace only being kept from a gallop by the presence of Gaius and his irritatingly slow and weighed down almost-horse.  
* * *

The forest was blurring as Arthur’s eyes began to water, both with anticipation and tiredness.  Gwaine and Lance seemed to be tittering to each other nervously, both were truly much closer to Merlin than Arthur was to them.  It took Gwaine the whole of two years to come and trust him again, and it took Arthur all of six months to know that Lance thought he was doing the right thing and began to trust him again.  But even now they had remained more distant from Arthur than they used to be, Arthur was worried as to what the seemingly inevitable outcome would do to his closest confidants.  Gaius also looked deep in thought and Arthur pulled his focus from himself to feel sympathy for the old man.  A boy that is the equivalent of his son, whom he hadn’t seen in years due to his unwavering loyalty to Camelot was supposedly dying.

The young boy sitting ahead of Gwaine suddenly sits upright and says something to Gwaine.  Arthur catches something along the lines of, “behind... and around there somewhere...might have to look around.”

Arthur took this as his signal to slow and bring his tiring beast to a stop.  His feet slid to the ground with a thump, the surrounding area appeared as if recently had been quite lush, but now a brief period of drought had led to slight wilting and browning tips. As he surveyed the surrounding the other dropped and it was only when they heard the young boy say, “We might have to look. I don’t…I don’t remember exactly where...” that they were all dragged out of some kind of stupor.

Gaius was the first to speak after the boy, somehow knowing they all needed words of wisdom in these moments from a voice that had always steadied them, “well, I for one feel that finding him quickly will do wonders for all of us. So Rory Sir, any ideas as to where we might start?”

The young boy glanced around, a desperate expression slowly seeping across his face, pointed in three directions, shook his head and hid his face in his hands. Arthur could not bring himself to be irritated with the young boy, as he was standing somewhere near Merlin for the first time in year (or at least to his knowledge). Lance moved first in one of the many directions the young boy had pointed, it was dense underbrush but so was everything Arthur supposed. Gaius looked at Arthur expectantly and shooed him onward into the greenery with an impatient look as he set his supplies on the ground muttering to himself.  
Arthur unclipped his sword as Merlin’s infallible trust flashed through his mind, and almost as if the leaves were whispering to him (oh come on guys it’s magic, and as fun as writing about groping blindly through underbrush is, no.) he began pushing branches aside. He could feel burrs being caught in his hair and strong branches dig into his legs but he followed the tugging. The branches blocked out most of the light and he could only see the ring on his finger glinting ahead of him, so praying his eyes would not be destroyed by miscellaneous thorns or some other malevolent plant he continued onward. Then, as if his worried prayers had been answered, the branches thinned and a golden halo of light was cast upon a lush clearing, Arthur thought that surely Merlin was there so he forcibly rushed through the last few feet and stumbled into the clearing. The grass was imprinted with footsteps going in circles, but Arthur didn’t notice he simply walked around in circles pausing peering into the more dim edges hoping to glimpse anything, from a hair to a worn boot but there was nothing. He soon paused and collapsed in the center, despondent, around him the un-imprinted grass gleamed, and a leaf fell from the tree and paused flitting around like it went with gravity and then it had been reversed. Of course Arthur noticed none of the anomalies until, well until one literally grabbed onto his foot. Merlin’s magic drawn to what it considered home, and Merlin had since Will died considered Arthur his home. When the tendril that was curling its way to Arthur latched onto him the magic enveloping in the clearing dispersed and a single bluish and knobby hand lay palm up, the body it belonged to hidden by foliage and Earth. Arthur gasped at the hand that was reminiscent of what one would look like on a corpse and quickly scrambled over, storing his inner sense of dignity to when it was more appropriate. Now it was time to find the rest of this body, Arthur wasn’t even sure it was Merlin’s hand and was unsure of which outcome he’d prefer. The dirt slid through his scrabbling hands as he rapidly uncovered first a muddy torn shirt and rotated the body to show it face, and there in front of him was Merlin.

Arthur’s only thought was the he had found Merlin and euphoria broke through him, but as he closer inspected his friend the severity of the situation crashed down upon Arthur. Merlin’s face was ghostly pale with sunken cheeks and eyes, no stirring of his chest was visible to a mortals’ eyes; the sight brought Arthur into a frozen type of fear and didn’t even register himself calling and begging for Gaius to come. He didn’t register anything until a familiar calloused hand rested on his shoulder, and Lance, the owner of the hand, gasped at the sight before him. Together they finished brushing the earthen rubble off of Merlin, and gathered him up and Arthur cradled the waif like warlock to his chest as Lance hacked a path clean through the forest to Gaius.

Gaius looked up the moment there crashing and brash footsteps broke the barrier of trees, and at the sight of Merlin stumbled back. But Gaius looked at the expressions on the others’ faces and resolved to be strong. He quickly directed Arthur to lay Merlin on the blanket, and quietly scanned his body for signs of life, finding none he swallowed a gasp and lifted Merlin’s shirt. There the only sign Merlin was alive was the gold tendrils fighting the violent and malignant tentacles of green sprawled so close to his heart. Arthur gasped when he saw the war that was occurring within Merlin, astounded by the beauty of his magic. He, mesmerized by the spiraling deadly dance, did not notice Gaius administering something to Merlin.

Gaius was concerned as he lay a thick green paste on Merlin’s lips, as a physician he knew there was nothing to be done but he wanted to enable Merlin’s final wish, to see his king.

Merlin’s eyes flickered, Gwaine was the only one to notice seized Arthur’s shoulders and pointed. At this Merlin’s eyes flung open, both eyes a solid gold but when they lit upon Arthur’s grim face they lightened into the blue of heron’s iridescent wings. He whispered, “Arthur, you came,” his breathing stuttered but he choked out, “Thank you.” Those words rang with possible futures all snuffed out and Arthur gathered Merlin on his lap and cried.

Lance’s eyes glimmered, Gwaine was in shock his hand reaching to where his bladder filled with ale was, Gaius’ hand simply trembled, and Rory, the young boy, witnessed the strength of Camelot be humbled and unite through the grief of someone with magic.

This young boy returned home, the experiences ringing in his ears, desperately waiting for the true nobility to rise out of this tragedy. When he was old enough perhaps he would join the round table and help this great king.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that took awhile, I am sorry. I became what I hate most in author's and NEVER updated. While I doubt it I hope this soothes any irritation. Shout out to elberethchen for threatening to stab me with a geometry compass. But this is the end of this fic, I hope you enjoyed :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this! Unless you didn't and are just cheekily reading this. If so please read through, this is my first chapter of fan fiction ever. So, any and all reviews and comments are welcome.
> 
> This is kind of a prologue, but it got kinda too long so it's now chapter 1. Have a great week! No idea how frequently I'll be updating


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